Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Follow Me Down....

If I could fall down the rabbit hole into Wonderland like Alice, I would. I'd gladly follow the white rabbit, have tea with the Mad Hatter and the March Hare, discuss philosophy with the Chesire Cat and his vanishing body, and seek advice from the Caterpillar. I would play nice to the Queen of Hearts and heed the White Rabbit's ever present warning of time.

There are days when I feel as though I'm in Wonderland already- days when nothing makes sense and everything is backwards, when people confuse me beyond understanding, and comprehension of the simplest things takes the biggest effort.

There are days when the printed words on a page are nothing but a jumble of letters, and the rhythm and beat of music is nothing but one continous pulse, with no real sign of stopping. I have days when I can't concentrate, let alone understand; other days I'm able to focus without a problem.

If I eat the mushroom, will my concentration grow until I can't handle it? Or will it shrink if I drink the elixir? Both have their consequences- one, it gets so out of control I can't do anything but struggle, the other, I'll be able to fit through the door and get out of the hall and go into the garden.

If my only help were the Chesire Cat with his lingering grin, I'd have to admit my current identity crisis- one that I'm not sure I'd be able to get out of. Of course, were I in Wonderland, it wouldn't be so bad, considering the fact that in Wonderland, everyone is crazy. Not a lick of sense is used, the slightest sign of understanding is problematic; black and white is shunned for color, and confusion is common.


If I could, I'd take life in Wonderland over life here. Confusion may play a part, but at least sanity and the need to think wouldn't be a problem. If I could find my white rabbit, fall down my rabbit hole and get lost in Wonderland, I wouldn't mind.

At times, insanity seems easier than sanity. There are days when I look for my white rabbit, in hopes that he'll lead me to my Wonderland. If the hole were unavailable, I wouldn't mind disappearing through the looking glass. Right now, Wonderland seems more favorable than the real world.

I could lose myself in fantasy, become a recluse like Emily Dickenson and write poetry for the rest of my life. I could drink myself to death like Ernest Hemingway or get into drugs like F. Scott Fitzgerald, carve out a meager existence in a hovel in New York.

I guess, what I'm trying to say, is take me out of here.

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