To Discover the Language of My Soul.....: August 2011

Friday, August 12, 2011

Karma Chameleon

Karma karma karma karma karma chameleon,
you come and go, you come and go.
Loving would be easy if your colours were like my dream,
red gold and green, red gold and green.

- Karma Chameleon, Culture Club, 1983

First thing's first- I didn't get into the school. After I got the letter, I got drunk on white zinfandel wine, to the point that I blacked out and woke up the next morning feeling like I'd been shoved through a meat grinder.

And then, to make matters worse, I destroyed one of the best friendships I've ever had, not to mention the closest thing to a relationship I'm ever going to experience with an old friend from school. And to put the icing on the cake, I ran out of my Prozac about two weeks ago, and.... well, things have gone downhill from there.

I don't focus well when I'm not on my Prozac- in fact, focusing is nonexistant when I'm off my meds- and when I've been off of it for as long as I have- almost two weeks- then I have trouble functioning with basic everyday things like shelving books or doing math. My appetite- or loss of- is also affected by my not being on my Prozac. I focus or try to on something so much, I go without stopping, and I over think continuously when I'm off my meds, that food or the act of eating slips my mind completely, and I go all day without injesting anything other than coffee.

When I'm off my meds- even for a day- I turn to music more than ever. My mp3 player is constantly on, I've always got my headphones in my ears, and I'm hitting the replay button every two minutes. When I get home from work, I'm pulling up either Youtube to play music videos, or www.playlist.com to play the music I've added to my playlist there. I play music until I could sing it in my sleep, until I'm mouthing the words to myself on the bus on my way to work, until I get so sick of the song that I decide to play something else.

Tonight, it's Karma Chameleon by Culture Club.

If you couldn't already tell.

Another thing I do, is pick apart the lyrics and figure out what they're referencing or what the meaning behind them is. Or what I think the meaning is.

So here goes; I've picked apart the first verse of the song with what I think the meaning behind it is:

Desert loving in your eyes all the way.
If I listen to your lies would you say
I'm a man without conviction,
I'm a man who doesn't know
how to sell a contradiction.
You come and go, you come and go.

'Desert loving in your eyes all the way'- I don't know about this first line
'If I listen to your lies would you say'- If he were to actually listen to what the person had to say
'I'm a man without conviction'- He has no strong beliefs to hold the relationship together
'I'm a man who doesn't know
how to sell a contradiction'- He doesn't know how/want to deal w/inconsistencies in the relationship
'You come and go, you come and go'- The subject is unable to make up their mind about what they want/or even if they want the relationship at all; they constantly leave and come back to him

That's basically what I do when I'm listening to music on nights when I can't focus on one thing or grow bored with trying to focus on something- but more often when I'm off my Prozac or adjusting to being back on it after a period of time without.

Basically, this is what my mind does when it's in overdrive.

Pretty scary, huh?

'Desert loving in your eyes all the way.' - I'm not sure about this first line
'If I listen to your lies would you say' - If he were to actually listen to what the person had to say
'I'm a man without conviction,'- She believes he has no strong beliefs to hold the relationship together
'I'm a man who doesn't know
How to sell a contradiction.' - He doesn't know how/want to deal w/inconsistencies in the relationship
'You come and go, you come and go.'- The subject is unable to make up their mind about the relationship; they constantly leave and then come back to him

'Karma, karma, karma, karma, karma chameleon,'- Fate or destiny constantly changes
'You come and go, you come and go.'- The person he's involved with is flightly with the relationship
'Loving would be easy'- The relationship would go much better
'If your colours were like my dream,'- If the person showed their true colors
'Red, gold and green, red, gold and green.'- I haven't figured out this one yet

'Didn't hear your wicked words every day'- The relationship works really well some days
'And you used to be so sweet, I heard you say'- The person could be really sweet and caring
'That my love was an addiction.'- He loves them deeply; to the point that he's addicted
'When we cling, our love is strong.'- When they are together, their relationship works
'When you go, you're gone forever.'- When the person leaves, they are away for days
'You string along, you string along.'- All they do is string him along

'Karma, karma, karma, karma, karma chameleon,'- Fate or destiny constantly changes
'You come and go, you come and go.'- The person he's involved with is flightly with the relationship
'Loving would be easy'- The relationship would go much better
'If your colours were like my dream,'- If the person showed their true colors
'Red, gold and green, red, gold and green.'- I haven't figured out this one yet

'Every day is like survival,'- They try to make the relationship work, even on the hardest days
'You're my lover, not my rival.'- Indecision could be ruining the relationship
'Every day is like survival,'- They really try to make the relationship work
'You're my lover, not my rival.'- He's trying to get them to see that the relationship could work

'I'm a man without conviction,'- She believes he has no strong beliefs to hold the relationship together
'I'm a man who doesn't know
How to sell a contradiction.'- He doesn't know how/want to deal w/inconsistencies in the relationship
'You come and go, you come and go.'- Unable to make up their mind about the relationship, the subject constantly leaves and then comes back to him

'Karma, karma, karma, karma, karma chameleon,'- Fate or destiny constantly changes
'You come and go, you come and go.'- The person he's involved with is flightly
'Loving would be easy'- The relationship would- and could- go much better
'If your colours were like my dream,'- If the person showed their true colors
'Red, gold and green, red, gold and green.'- I still haven't figured this one out yet

'Karma, karma, karma, karma, karma chameleon,'- Fate or destiny constantly changes
'You come and go, you come and go.'- The person he's involved with is flightly
'Loving would be easy'- The relationship would- and could- go much better
'If your colours were like my dream,'- If the person showed their true colors
'Red, gold and green, red, gold and green.'- I don't think I'll figure this one out

'Karma, karma, karma, karma, karma chameleon,'- Fate or destiny constantly changes
'You come and go, you come and go.'- The person he's involved with is flightly
'Loving would be easy'- The relationship would- and could- go much better
'If your colours were like my dream,'- If the person showed their true colors
'Red, gold and green, red, gold and green.'- I give up on this one

Karma = Fate or destiny. Chameleon = Changeable or inconstant, usually referring to a person.

Karma Chameleon = People are inconstant or changeable. Fate/destiny is inconstant or changeable.

The Photograph in the Music Box

April 15, 1912

“They recovered two children that had been in first class. One was identified as Loraine Allison. The other was never identified.”

The RMS Titanic sinks after striking an iceberg in the middle of the Atlantic on April 15, 1912, taking thousands with her. Though the majority of the survivors are first and second class, and the majority of the victims third and crew, there were a few casualties among the upper classes that have long since been forgotten with the passage of time.

Among the casualties is a young girl; never claimed, she is later referred to as Victim 281 and buried in Halifax. All that is left of this innocent girl is a fading photograph in a music box buried in the wall of an apartment building in Manhattan- discovered nearly a century later by Shaynee Wilcox, the daughter of the new tenants. Armed with only the faded photograph of the young girl, Shaynee’s determined to discover
her true identity, and finally lay to rest the spirit of one of the Titanic’s youngest victims. As she uncovers clue after clue, Shaynee soon discovers that, not only does the girl have a link to the Titanic sinking, but she also has a link to Shaynee herself.

The Romantic Egotists

“I grew up among the great artists of Paris- Ernest Hemingway and his wife, Hadley; Ezra Pound and William Faulkner, Picasso, Gertrude Stein and her lover, Alice Toklas, and
of course my parents Scott and Zelda Fitzgerald.”

It is with these very words, that Frances “Scottie” Fitzgerald takes us back to those long ago nights in Paris; when the
world was still recovering from the destruction of the Great War, when Russia was trying to reassemble the shattered pieces of itself after the bloody fall of the Romanov dynasty and Germany was allowing a man called Hitler to start taking control.

In Paris, the wave of painters, writers, dancers and playwrights’ crashes upon its shores like the Allies upon the European coast. Sex, drugs and alcohol run the streets of grand ol’ Paris, corrupting the mind and setting in motion the wheels of rebellion. It is here, in Paris, at 27 Rue de Fleurus, that a group of expatriate Americans meet and begin turning out some of the greatest literature, art and dance of the twentieth century. The child of the couple forever known as the “Romantic Egotists”- the real beautiful and damned- Scottie tries
hard to come into her own during those muggy Paris nights, despite the constant push and pull of her mother’s erratic behavior and her father’s egotistic criticisms. Here, among the sting of smoke and smell of alcohol, surrounded by lust, love and sex, young Scottie sips her first taste of jealousy, and
discovers the cost of being famous. Into this world, Frances Fitzgerald is thrust, a silent witness to the trials, tribulations, darkness and light of a generation defined as forever “Lost.”

The Sound of Sickness

"Sickness has returned.
Cover your ears and hold your breath.
Breathing in could result in death."

Alexi Michaels has been surrounded by Tuberculosis his entire life. With his mother, he places docent at the Waverly Hills Sanitarium to tourists in Hawaiian shirts and flip-flops, telling them the history of this sad and disturbing chapter in Kentucky's history.

That same evening, while taking a private night tour of the decaying building, Alexi meets Marit, a fourteen-year-old girl who resides at the Sanitarium while she slowly dies from TB. She's watched and waited for Alexi to arrive, spending decades within Waverly's rotting walls, a spiritual shell of the girl she once was.

Over time, Alexi begins to win Marit's trust, and using a series of family photographs, Marit tells him of her unfortunate story. She knows all the secrets and stories of the hospital, including those of her unlucky family members- both hospital resident and worker.

But Marit has a secret. A secret that sent her to an early grave. A secret she's willing to share with Alexi if he gives her something in return.

Something that, to Marit- like every other patient at Waverly Hills- is worth more than its weight in gold.